September 14th, 2005
.....
AUSTRALIAN DEFINITION OF A "TRUE FRIEND"
Are you tired of all those namby, pamby, girly, sissy, completely wet "friendship" poems, that never come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:
1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you've finally had sex.
4. When you are scared - I will tease the crap out of you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to stop your bloody whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again, I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy self.
can only think of two, and one of them isn't speaking to you right now anyway.
Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.
Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
....
I am.