"Don't worry. I don't have low self-esteem. It's a mistake. I have low esteem for everyone else." -Daria

In the past year or so I lost just over 30 kilos. That's like, uhh, a lots of butter. I'm proud of the effort, and for the first time in awhile now I'm happy with the way I look. So, it's sort of a setback when parents friends' children ask why I'm fat. Que in awkward silence from the parents, the friends and from me.

No, I couldn't kill the fucking kids. They are like 6.

Now I'm sitting in the computer room confronting all my fucking self image issues, just because two fucking kids asked an innocent question. I know I have self esteem problems, and most of the time I can pretty much ignore them, but fuck, there's nothing like the innocent asking pointed questions.

So, contemplating annihilating media enforced images of the Female Beauty (Anorexia is Beauty), and crushing Chinese culture of let's all be 'Frail and graceful'. Fuck you culture, fuck you media, fuck all the people who give both enough credit to brainwash 6-yr-olds.

I really should stop analysing my self worth when I'm hyped up on painkillers. Stopping now. I'm one with the painkillers.