wow. just.... wow.

The Open Source Swift Kick to the Balls Project (http://misia.livejournal.com/1055120.html)

<3333 #hugs#

Yes, it was a nice break from the retardedness of the original post.

In all fairness, the context that it came up in wasn't Random Strangers, but a SF convention, among people who knew each other (mostly), and who had full opt-in "if you're not wearing an "ask me" button, you don't get asked" as the plan.

Plus, the guy edited that post to mention:

And the chances that the Project would get fucked up, making con spaces more amenable to hordes of stalkers and mouthbreathers who will grope and maul women, are pretty damn big. Hell, it’s already made women feel less safe by me mentioning it, and that makes me feel like shit. As it should.

The Project itself, at least as done at Penguicon, has been turned by the miracle of reposting into some nightmare of eternal groping, female hunting, and a constant stream of denigration. And while that’s [...] not what happened at all [...t]hat easily could happen without proper supervision, male power being what it is… [...] If I’ve contributed to the idea that women are not safe, then I’ve failed with a capital “F,” regardless of the underlying reality. And if people think that all cons are filled with horrific swarms of gropers, well, then I’ve also failed.

So, as the guy's learned... What goes over among friends in fandom isn't going to fly in the general mundania. What would make me say, "no, spousal access only" at a con (and only be somewhat weirded; I attend a con that's big on exhibitionism and asking permission) is, "You back off NOW or the cops are being called" in any other circumstances.

I hope that me seeing the nuances doesn't fall into the category of "stop reading journal now." O:(

I totally agree with you -- it wasn't a good idea to try to expand it out, though... See, here, lemme link over to an entirely unrelated journal: ozarque. She does communication stuff (to understate), and a while back she had a series of posts on what evolved into two types of communication strategies: Ask and Hint cultures. A Hint culture won't come right out and say... just about anything, really. They give clues, hints, and oblique code phrases (that are clear as day to most people who've grown up and either been deliberately told the rules, or are just good at picking it up).

And then there's the Ask types, who are oblivious to hints, clues, etc., and want to be told things flat-out or asked things flat-out.

A lot of SF fen are Ask types, for whatever reason, and the idea of Green/Red buttons to signify "I am open to propositions [of whatever kind is under discussion]" versus "Do not even ask, because at best we will be uncomfortable and at worst I will shoot you down and call con Security"... It's really, really engaging to extreme Ask types. It's a clear yes/no signal, it saves time, it saves trying to figure out weird (to them) Hint rules... I totally see why the idea of badges showed up, and why a bunch of Asks would say, "Hey! There are some of us who like this, and who see this as a positive thing! We should make an easy way for people to participate if they want, and be left alone if they want!"

Of course, the thing about Ask types -- especially extreme ones -- is that they are not necessarily so good at the communication of the nuances, y'know? Nuances are a Hint thing. And everyone forgets to "unpack" their logic at least some of the time. The combination, when trying to show off this Really Cool Idea that We Had Fun With? *wince*

So, yeah, I wish he'd thought it through more clearly, too! I'm just willing to give him the benefit of the doubt in the sense of good intentions vs. "I wanna fondle teh boobies, and I think you're stupid enough to buy this excuse."

Mind, I do In Nomine stuff. I know where good intentions lead...

(Boys get the other end of it -- "be like THIS or OMG TEH GAAAAAAY." Friend of mine has two boys, who are sweethearts (and one is HAWT!), and from what she tells me? Boys who are genuinely nice, kind, and sincere can get the fuzzy end of the lollipop in life as well. It's just a different kind, and ironically less obvious.

...can we stage a coup and establish Beth's Ideal Utopia? I promise to give all my friends and followers great titles and wonderful hats.)